Notice the smiley. It signifies happy times. All because of a super absorbent sanitary pad.
Alright, a quick explanation. There’s a brand of sanitary pads called Whisper. Their new line of communication ends with “Have a happy period!”
It is definitely not a woman who has written the line. Because, if it were, she would have known that IT IS NEVER HAPPY.
Nothing will ever make it happy.
I’m not going to pretend that I know a lot about a woman’s periods, but I know enough to dispense information to lesser mortals.
1) Don’t attempt to make it right. There is nothing to make right. Therefore you can’t make it right. Get my drift?
2) Be nice. But not too nice. And don’t be unsympathetic either. Don’t disappear thinking that if you’re out of the way you’re making things better. I’ve got a rhyme here to help you out if you’re confused.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Don’t think a knock to the nuts is pain, that’s not real pain, you’ll never know this kind of pain you sissy boy, so don’t say or do anything unless you’re asked to.
Memorise that, and you’re good to go.
3) Reference. Never refer to it as “it” or “that time”. I gotten into serious trouble for saying things like “Is it over yet?” As if it were a bad movie. Other things you should avoid saying are
“So whatcha saying is… no nookie tonight?”
“ I’ll come back in a couple of days when the real you is back.”
“The ad said that if you used one of these you could run the marathon. Why arn;t you running any marathons?”
4) If she starts crying, it’s either because her hormones are gone out of whack, or she’s experiencing pain equivalent to poking needles through your spine. Hence it might be prudent not to talk about your own suffering during this time.
For example, don’t come home and say “I got this paper cut today and maaaaan… it hurt sooooo bad.” Unless a truck ran over you, followed by a steam roller, and then a marching band, keep it to yourself. Else, trust me, that’s when you’re going to feel Real Pain.
And lastly, women, you’ve got to let us know what we should be doing, because, in all honesty, we’re clueless. A period, according to us, is this thing --> .
A little education, suggestions on what to do, a list of what not to do, and I think we’ll be one step closer to the illusory happiness that 'they' keeps talking about.
Comments anybody?
Jonathan
