Notice the smiley. It signifies happy times. All because of a super absorbent sanitary pad.
Alright, a quick explanation. There’s a brand of sanitary pads called Whisper. Their new line of communication ends with “Have a happy period!”
It is definitely not a woman who has written the line. Because, if it were, she would have known that IT IS NEVER HAPPY.
Nothing will ever make it happy.
I’m not going to pretend that I know a lot about a woman’s periods, but I know enough to dispense information to lesser mortals.
1) Don’t attempt to make it right. There is nothing to make right. Therefore you can’t make it right. Get my drift?
2) Be nice. But not too nice. And don’t be unsympathetic either. Don’t disappear thinking that if you’re out of the way you’re making things better. I’ve got a rhyme here to help you out if you’re confused.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Don’t think a knock to the nuts is pain, that’s not real pain, you’ll never know this kind of pain you sissy boy, so don’t say or do anything unless you’re asked to.
Memorise that, and you’re good to go.
3) Reference. Never refer to it as “it” or “that time”. I gotten into serious trouble for saying things like “Is it over yet?” As if it were a bad movie. Other things you should avoid saying are
“So whatcha saying is… no nookie tonight?”
“ I’ll come back in a couple of days when the real you is back.”
“The ad said that if you used one of these you could run the marathon. Why arn;t you running any marathons?”
4) If she starts crying, it’s either because her hormones are gone out of whack, or she’s experiencing pain equivalent to poking needles through your spine. Hence it might be prudent not to talk about your own suffering during this time.
For example, don’t come home and say “I got this paper cut today and maaaaan… it hurt sooooo bad.” Unless a truck ran over you, followed by a steam roller, and then a marching band, keep it to yourself. Else, trust me, that’s when you’re going to feel Real Pain.
And lastly, women, you’ve got to let us know what we should be doing, because, in all honesty, we’re clueless. A period, according to us, is this thing --> .
A little education, suggestions on what to do, a list of what not to do, and I think we’ll be one step closer to the illusory happiness that 'they' keeps talking about.
Comments anybody?
Jonathan
16 comments:
Lady love once came back home all ready to attack me because, get this - her tailor fucked up on her salwar kameez. It was not pretty dude. Note pretty 'tall. Ever since, everything that bugs her - world hunger, general hunger, jetlag, periods, pms .. it's all a "salwar kameez moment" for me and i know i need to back the fuck off.
In Australia, such advertisements tell us that their products allow us to play tennis, ride horses, and swim laps. Why, then, have they never worked for me?
he he he! Funny mess... uh! ignore the pun... i loved it especially the rhyme!
keep writing!
Supreet... i feel your pain.
Justin... maybe you're putting them on backwards.
Reshma... could'nt you have read this on thursday.
ahem!
so i guess what you are trying to say with all this is that you are ready for marriage. you could just have said that you know...we'd understand. :)
but the real pain is all too real for all of us...so i feel you brother.
I would suggest you develop temporary amnesia for at least 5 days every month. So rash things that were said, weepy moments that she definitely won't be proud of and the hyperbolic display of emotional ping pong'ing' can be completely forgotten by the time she is 'out of the woods'. Trust me. I'm a woman. And this is the technique my husband adopts. It's been working for the past 4 years we've been together. I give you a no copyright version to try out! :)
We have always taught to keep these things secret- that's a folly. I had a bad time with the 'chums' as we call it till my first baby was born. Since then there has been no pain and it lasts for only 3days. So I love the Mr for making me pregnant! I once had a friend who felt 'like a woman' whenever she had her chums...all I do ia feel sick and I will throw a party when I reach menopause!
I whole heartedly second "georginafernandez". Temporary amnesia is the way to go.
I wish guys would get that without having it spelt out...
If she has periodic outbreaks of tears and screaming, what the fuck do you think is going on?!? Would it kill you to be supportive amnesiac!?!
Now if at all 'have a happy period' makes sense for atleast a split second, this one couln't.
Nothing can stop me.Period
Thank you for understanding.
John my friend you are missing an imp point : happy Period is marketing gimmickry of P&G just as something else is a blurb line of J & J . If they do not glamorise the isssue how will their product sell ?
John my friend you are missing an imp point : happy Period is marketing gimmickry of P&G just as something else is a blurb line of J & J . If they do not glamorise the isssue how will their product sell ?
For all those who arn't sure... Ira is a woman. Not a man. A woman.
And i don't have any affiliations to her comments.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
This is bloody good. Period.
P.S: no pun intended. at all.
thanks charu!
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