Country music IS the devil's music. My roommate once played a whole set of country songs and Satan himself appeared before us. 
But then he just begged us to switch those infernal sounds off.
True Story.
Anyway, I must have listened to a hundred country tracks. And that got me thinking.
Don't start applauding, I'm not done yet.
Country music has a pattern. A methodology of lyrics and sounds that sets it apart from normal people's music.
Listen to a couple of country tracks and you'll find that they either have:
- A Dog
- A ranch
- A donkey
- A woman who left him
- A woman who died
- Donkey / dog that left him.
- Donkey / dog that died.
- A woman who left with the dog on the donkey, and then died.
- A cowboy with emotional problems
Paint these lyrics with Texan colours and you have yerself a hit, y'all.
Of course, you are allowed to bring other animals and objects into the song at your own discretion. I've taken the trouble to make a table for you so you can get your country theme going (proof that spending a long weekend out of the house is more constructive).
Just randomly pick from each of the columns for your own country hit!
Let me know what topics you've chosen by leaving a comment behind.
Once you've mixed and matched your options, you should have something like
"My cow bobby-joe makes me wear lace panties everyday in the barn, and that's why I cry"
That my friend, is the theme/title to your new hit country song.
From now on the words don't matter. You can keep repeating the same line over and over again but remember to intersperse it with some guitar TWANGS.
They can't be strums or cool guitar riffs.
They have to be twangs.
twang [twæŋ] n: a sharp ringing sound produced by plucking of a taut string producing an effect as if the guitar is pleading the musician to stop what he’s doing.
Ok we're done. You're a country professional. Don't worry if people say you ain't talented. Talent's got nothing to do with country music.
Once you've made your platinum records and won your award at the cowboy Grammies, you know who to thank.
And the answer is NOT your donkey.
2 comments:
he, he, he...Either Satan really appeared before you, or you were so far gone that couldn't recognize your reflection in the tumbler.
I was trawling for some Dixie Chicks numbers when i came across this post. A hoot. Loved it. :)
You know something...out of all of them, I really don't mind Dixie Chicks!
Glad you liked the post. And in the words of Apu... Thank you, come again.
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