Ola people!
Today I’m going legal.Questions from legal fields to which I really don’t have any answers to. Not that I have the answers to any of the questions ever being posed to me. I don’t know if any of you guy really know this, but sometimes I fake it. No kidding.
Oh.. and by the way… I’m treating everyone who decides to reply to this blog. Beer. And I’m not talking about the stuff I distill in my room. I’m talking about real beer… that doesn’t make you see polka dots on your unmentionables after a couple of sips.
Anywoosies…lets start.
Legal contracts.Why the hell do lawyers have to make things so complicated.
So I was reading this contract the other day. They don’t mention anything by their real names so as to make things simpler. Or so they say. So there’s Party A.. and There’s Party B. And so on and so forth.
Now take this into account. Hypothetically speaking, imagine all these dudes were really talking about a party. And Michael is allowed to go to Rakesh’s party and have Alcohol. The contract would say something like this.Michael - henceforth... known as “Party A”, is permitted to enter the legal premises of the aforesaid party, from now on known as “Party” conducted for non commercial purposes by Rakesh from now on known as “Party B” and is legally permitted , at the PARTY to consume alcohol from now on known as “Spirit A” , not to be confused with spirits of the supernatural kind. Ceterus Paribus.
Oh yeah.. you have to end everything with a Latin phrase. And you can even make up shit.
Swallowed everything so far? Now… hypothetically speaking (as always), there are hundreds of people involved. But there are only 26 letters in the alphabet. So, to describe someone you’re gonna have to have a combination of alphabets right? Do you get to choose really cool names then? Get a load of this.
So Jayee, Reagan and Beverly can come to the party as well.“Jayee, Reagan and Beverly from now known as Smarty Party, Party Farty and Party Shmuck are hereby, herewith and alongwith permitted for all social purposes to join Party A for the Party if, and if at all, invited by Party B for the Party wherein there shall be Spirit A, considering that Party B is not having Spirit B and Spirit C which really goes better with coke. Holy Shitus Magnificus.
Incase you’re having trouble with Latin.. I’ve provided a small non-patented list which you can use incase you ever draw up a contract. Feel free to use them.
Ratus Bittis my-asses
Upp-em yors-es.
Underwear Tightis
Bunnies humpalotis
If you got anymore legal crap you wanna add on… feel free.Next time we’re gonna talk about why Judges wear those weird wigs,what exactly does the steno do and why do lawyers have to wear teddy’s? Isn’t there any other lingerie they get to choose?NB: All names in the newsletter are fictitious and any similarity between real life people is purely coincidental.
PS: Dont' give me flak for writing 'anywoosies'. I'm under a lot of stress.
5 comments:
While studying mass media, I had this weird lawyer come in and bravely attempt to teach 'journalism law and ethics'. Now, whether he was a good teacher, we'll never know, because the entire class stared at, with morbid fascination, the permanent line of drool that crawled out of his mouth and trickled down his chin. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And sometimes, bets were even placed to see how far the saliva would travel down his anatomy. Seriously, come onnnnnn big guy, you passed your LLB; surely you possess the required attention span and ability to swallow your own spit? It still haunts me. Shudder.
I don't think you can talk openly about lawful undies. You may be booked for bitches-likis maddis. But personally I alway pull the kickusups-erscrotum!
For crying out loud, update your blog, jon. I'm getting withdrawal symptoms.
Busy day Diana. Willo do it before 6.
IZ - kickusups-erscrotum? It hurts even saying it! :-)
*sigh*...a geni-assis at work...can't help but admire it all!
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